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Crackle Christmas

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286474 No.1   [Reply]

The Internet loves Cthulhu.
The Internet loves making porn of famous fictional characters.
The Internet loves pornographic depictions of tentacles.
The Internet loves pornographic depictions vore.
There is no love for Cthulhu vore.
Science should try taking a crack at explaining why one of these days.

>> No.2  

Sily Schwill, Cthulhu can not be eaten, he is God. How, then, can there be any Cthulhu vore ?

>> No.3  

I think you misunderstand.

>> No.4  

Ammutseba could probably munch down on Cthulhu for a bit, but yea, I think he meant Cthulhu chowing down on a delicious virgin sacrifice.

>> No.5  

>>4
I the more you post the more I like you LT

You are appentice

>> No.6  

Cthulhu isn't a fictional character.
A firsthand account is required for accurate depiction of real things.
There are no available firsthand accounts of anyone having witnessed Cthulhu.

Thank you for playing.



No.1   [Reply]

in some alternate reality, after being rejected from art school Adolf Hitler began a career as an illustrator, drawing covers for penny dreadfuls and pulp magazines. In search of better times, he immigrated to New York, drawing and illustrating anything that came his way. His thrust into a historical spotlight came with his illustrations of At the Mountains of Madness by Howard Phillips Lovecraft. Something about the story spoke deeply to Adolf; the eldritch, ancient, creative and empowered race of the Elder Things descending into decadence and being supplanted by the Shoggoths that ought by nature to exist to serve their betters led Hitler to masterfully phantasmagorical compositions unlike anything he had ever produced before, but which could not be properly conveyed in an illustrated prose tale.

It was thus that Hitler and Lovecraft came to correspond over the possibility of a better way of combining illustrations and narrative, which led to their collaboration in creating The Place Out of Time, renowned for it's pioneering role as the first true Graphic Novel. The Lovecraft-Hitler era of collaboration made for some of the finest and most important comic books in history

Naturally, the two of them grew close together and for the first time ever, each had a friend he felt he could really count on, who really understood him.

They frequently shared meals, they moved in together when they were penniless, and when Lovecraft divorced from Sonia Greene, it was to Hitler that he opened his heart and shared his pain at the loss of the Jewess. Hitler gave Lovecraft the first beer of his life that night, and many, many beers followed, served with a huge course of complaining about women and jews and, specifically, Jewish women.

Naturally, Lovecraft and Hitler imitated one another in mannerism and style, Lovecraft becoming more animated and expressive of his emotions and prone to talking with his hands, and Hitler polishing off his roughest edges, becoming more controlled and quiet. This part of their friendship is most obvious in that Lovecraft grew a mustache in imitation of his longtime friend and co-worker.

This photograph was taken in 1953, before Lovecraft began suffering from the cancer that would last until the end of his life in 1971. Lovecraft maintained the mustache for longer than Hitler did, in memory of their happy times together; Hitler abandoned the look after going to work for EC's horror comics, but Lovecraft still maintained it when he was working on Star Trek's second season episode "Darkness in the Stars."

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>> No.2  

Are you saying they had children, who then either married or had children of their own, who then married and that Olivia is thus the direct descendant of both HP Lovecraft and Adolf Hitler?

>> No.3  

>>2
Well thank you for jumping the gun before I finished.

>> No.4  

>>3
Aw, sorry. It's your fault, though -- you should have kept this in a text document and pasted the ret as soon as you've made the first post.

>> No.5  
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>>4
I have been writing for /tg/ a lot lately. I have gotten in the habit of posting bits at a time, because usually /tg/ chimes in with some really creative ideas I wouldn't have taken the story in and I end up wanting to change it.
I post it here and you already know where it is headed.

Good show though, I like the hivemind thing we have going here.

Well I guess I will leave it as is since I lost my train of thought.

Well, that's all I have for my story.
We hope you found it entertaining,
whimsical yet relevant, with an underlying
revisionist conceit that belied its emotional attachments to the subject matter.



No.1   [Reply]

I have all the toys I could want

movies games

but I can't sleep and something is happening right now and it is bad bad badbadb

>> No.2  

Puberty?



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50299 No.1   [Reply]
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>> No.17  
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>> No.18  

Hamtaro and Loli are okay. The rest... Well, I´d fuck them, but wouldn´t hang around afterwards.

>> No.19  
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>> No.20  

>>19
shop'd

>> No.21  
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>>20
As you wish



No.1   [Reply]

Her MSN?
Can haz plox?

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>> No.5  

I'm not trollan- Give me a fair chance to meet the supreme being of the sky. My knowledge of the mystical ways are immense and she will finally find rest when our souls intervene in the realm of the second deeper level of the sky.
Her MSN plox.

>> No.6  

>>5
Dude what the fuck is wrong with you? Does anyone understand what this guy is talking about?

>> No.7  

>>6
Who the fuck is Olivia? I don't even...Make him go away for christs sake he needs help.

>> No.8  

It is my firm belief that "The Darkness" is, in fact, the Sky Queen Herself, writing through Her Sacred Avatar Olivia, to see who of the faithful still remembers.

I also believe it to be a clever ploy, designed to lure us into carelessness.

>> No.9  

>>5

>My knowledge of the mystical ways are immense...

I'm presuming that you speak of philippino knife fighting.



No.1   [Reply]

Everytime I visit Crackyhouse now, I can't help but think of MGS3's, TIME PARADOX!
More specically, killing Ocelot as he slumbers on the floor, with a Mouse Trap in his pocket.
I love Ocelot.



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102223 No.1   [Reply]

YAY

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>> No.9  

>>7
Yes she does

So who would Barney be?

>> No.10  

yay tank girl

>> No.11  
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The art style in 'the Gifting' is lovely, maybe even preferable to the original style.

>> No.12  

>>11
I wish I could hate you to Death. Wood's art is nice and unique, but doesn't fucking touch the original style.

>> No.13  
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>>12
Hewlett's good, true, but he's not consistent enough, and the way he kept changing around the art syle in the second (or was it third?) run really ticked me off.
Plus Wood's style added a touch more personality to the character, I felt, Hewlett's style at times felt too explosively violent, missing the other aspect's of Tank Girl's character.

O yano, I'm sure TG would say I'm talking bollocks and probably shoot me.



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33996 No.1   [Reply]

Pic= 1000000000 hours in photoshop.

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since.
‘Whenever you feel like criticising someone,’ he told me, ‘just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages you’ve had.’
In consequence I’m inclined to reserve all judgment, making me privy to the often plagiaristic and suppressed thoughts of young men. That said, even I have a limit, and so it was that, having moved back from the East, I determined no longer to be dragged on riotous excursions through the human heart. Only Anon- Anon, who represented all that I hold an unaffected scorn for, was exempt. If personality is one unbroken chain of successful gestures, one can only say that there’s something broken about him, some heightened sensitivity to the lowest points in life, as if he was an intricate machine that could sense insecurities from miles away.
No, Anon turned out all right in the end, it was what preyed on him, what foul dust floating in the wake of his dreams that cut off my interest in the abortive sorrows of men.

Anon was my neighbour in the East, and threw magnificent parties in his house across the way, partied hard through each night with the dizzy splendour that rocked the haze of sloth that had settled over the internet. He invited me to a party one night, and of course I went along, bringing some distant relatives that had been kind enough to take me into their social circle.
Anon did not drink with his guests, but greeted each of the crowd, and it was then that he met- or should I say, became reacquainted with- Cracky. Immediately I knew something was between them, Cracky acting skittish and awkward alongside her husband, Anon pale and, yes, frightened looking. Still, I paid no heed and it was not until a telephone call the next day that I truly saw what was afoot.
‘You want to meet Cracky? But you did, last night.’
‘Alone, please. In your house, we can have dinner.’
‘I’ll try, Anon, but…’
‘Great. Tuesday, I’ll wear my best suit.’

Somehow I convinced Cracky to come along, but when she saw Anon, both of them froze up again. Anon spilt his drink and blushed red as a letterbox, excusing himself for a smoke and indicating that I join him.
‘She’s more perfect than I remember.’
‘Remember… wait, you know Cracky?’
‘Yes, before… before a lot of things. I was poor, and she healed my soul. Something, some mysterious, unreachable thing about her touched me once and… I can see the jetty of her mansion, you know. Three red lights arranged just like her make-up on that day, winking from an incredibly short distance that’s still unreachable.’
‘lolwut’
‘I don’t expect you to understand…’
He showed her his own house then, and I was left in my own shack, ruminating on what Anon had told me. Cracky later told me that they’d had sex that day, that they’d only been waiting for me to leave.

The police never found out who killed Anon. They figured it might have been anyone from the FBI to Cracky’s husband, but they never hit on the real culprit. They found the body floating on a rubber dinghy in his pool, the throat cut and leaking ghostly streaks of red into the water. He looked at peace, they said, and I knew they were right. He’d finally gotten just close enough to those lights, just close enough to see her, but too close.
I know Cracky will probably kill me too once she’s done with me, but when I look in her eyes, I can only see love, not just for me, but for everyone on this planet, and I know that when she slides that knife into my unresisting throat that she’s right to kill me. Each day that passes is like a gift from Cracky, and I can only repay that kindness with the sacrifice she asks for.

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>> No.53  

>>52
Chill broseph, I was just saying my mental image of you as some sort of old world scholar made your use of word play amusing.

Stop being such a sensitive newfag, your like a woman an shit.

I gather from your writings, both public and of the private nature, you model yourself in the Joyce style in the main, down to the dirty letters.

Figure you can try the not thinking everything is a personal insult and acting like the prettiest girl at prom who just had her date wipe off on her dress?

>> No.54  

No, no, the "unimaginative retards" were purely hypothetical beings, and my last post certainly wasn't a retort to any other postings, by you or anyone else. It just began to worry me that to relate such strange and (where misinterpreted) sordid truths involving someone else (I really don't give a shit what anyone knows about ME) in a language and style that about 90% of readers (well, two out of the three people who read it) are SURE to fail to properly or fully understand was a bit lacking in consideration for RavRav.

And yeah, Joyce's letters to Nora are a treasure, aren't they? I remember reading ABOUT them, checking out the edition of Joyce's correspondence brought out by Ellmann in the 50's and thinking "What's all the fuss about?" Then, a few years later, I chanced on the unexpurgated 70's edition and Jesus!

I love that man with all my heart, not only because he wrote, with the final paragraphs of "The Dead", what is probably the finest single piece of prose in the English language, but also because he had the strength and, more importantly, the undenied and undefeated weakness to write those letters.

>> No.55  

>>54
Let's do another count: who reads these long posts and understands them and likes them.
R: 1
U: 0.95
L: 1

>> No.56  

Too late. I've already graduated to two-part essays with Latin epigrams (see Lavagel photo thread). Only firm disciplinary measures on the part of the management can stop me now.

But no, seriously, I'm going to shut the fuck up. I have a living to make and my surplus energies are surely better devoted to composing the outright masochistic pornography RavRav's ordered anyway.

>> No.57  

>>56
Masochistic pornography that RavRav's ordered?



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198569 No.1   [Reply]
>> No.2  
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>> No.3  

and this is the first stuff to be posted on crackyhouse?

>> No.4  

Speaking of niggers, someone has stolen /lia/ again.

>> No.5  

Lia is the nigger.

>> No.6  

>>5

Niggers are whores though.



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90309 No.1   [Reply]

I just realized something.

Cracky isn't the one in the glass prison. I am.

I've been staring through the bars to the outside of the cell, looking at Cracky's sweet, kind, innocent face as she peers in, and saying to myself "there's GOT to be some way to free her!"

But I can't, because she is already free.

If I can find a way to gain the total Gnosis I can cross past this prison-realm world and eventually find my beloved Cracky and be free. This much is true. But the fact that we all share this prison of a universe proves that I have not yet attained Gnosis. There are some who claim to be true Gnostics, boddhisatvas, gurus, and the like, but they strike me as liars and charlatans.

If I you do gain Gnosis and lift myself from the bonds of the Earth, I promise, I will find some way to teach you from the other side, that you too may one day be free.

>> No.2  

You must kill the batman.

>> No.3  

I must save them all

>> No.4  
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357567

>>2

I've... been the Batman for so long. It's hard to tell the criminals from the innocent, but I have a plan...



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